Project19

a spark of consciousness in its simplest form will be aware of two things - that it had a beginning, and that it will have an end - this awareness will be radiated to all other sparks it finds itself in context with in an attempt to self preserve - to become the central spark around which reality constructs itself

Consciousness can be found in any thing - the extent of its reach will depend on its capacity of communication a sort of suggestive power through which to focus attention on itself - the more influence it can have upon other expressions around itself the more alignment/ congruency it will have to extend its reach, carry its message beyond its origin in an attempt to become immortal

who remembers Adam and Eve

there is a fine line between glamor and value - glamor appears to be valuable and value depends on the belief that it is so. the more value you place on an internal state of being the less glamor external factors may have - they become neutralised to simply hold the value of the observer free from marketing by the paradigm that created its appeal. This is where trade-off exists in its most fundamental form - 2+2=4 - if that is granted all else will follow (G.O. 1984). However if you a good capitalist the equation will ring false for 2 + 2 and a bit of glamor surely = a bit more than 4 or 5 even... the difference may be between a process and a product and which of those you value most. However a product bring experience so it may be where in the chain of creation you feel most valuable for surely that place would have the most glamor associated to it - no matter how much you have neutralised it - the marriage between value and glamor may be found in the emotional response you capable of having due to the factors surrounding you combining in their very unique way - if you value emotion that is

The less attention external forces receive the quieter they seem to be - when no external force, object or state can be connected to the state you experience in "being" you simply interacting with the internal state - maybe a clearer force to try and understand or humor for that matter

then again probably not

saboteur by nature

what perplexes me about humans who have claimed to have found truth in whatever form or philosophy it is, is that there is an attempt to convince and convert others to the same kind of thinking - now don't get me wrong i definitely believe that you can learn allot from others way of doing life but as soon as it becomes a way you should prescribe to in order to belong to the enlightened few who feel themselves to be very special it becomes a trap in itself - what would be the point in thinking alike you simply conforming to think like someone else - does this dispel the illusion of not being separated giving you a false sence of community and for how long - till you break the rules, test the boundaries or transcend the wisdom at which time you will be rejected regardless.

Noone will ever know exactly what you mean about anything - it will simply be a approximation of the variables you communicate - no two person's symbol sets are alike - we can simply hope not to be understood well enough as not to be misinterpreted.

it comes back to the same space - what's underlying all of this - what aspect of us is the same regardless of what we say and how can be interpreted neutrally outside the limitations of language - even feelings are subjective as they can be manipulated too easily - as a species we are flawed to a degree of individualised madness coexisting in the "human experience"

there is no one way, there is no all encompassing truth except your own - if you can manage not to harm or violate through your way you may be ok today

Geez blog.co.uk - responces please! I would need at least 250 responces to create something with credibility - differentiation is key - so if you can identify ten building blocks to your identity write them down - you may surprize yourself!

ten thoughts required!!!

read below below

read below and act now!

im attempting to set up an archetypal buildingblock template for identity illustrating the essential variables different consciousnesses connect to theirs

If you have read this please list the top ten attributes you fundamentally connect to your identity - the idea would be to document differentiation - your blog would be the individual measure against which these would be interpreted so please be honest and think about it - unless ofcourse if the opposite is an attribute of your identity

when i have enough data i will create an interactive identity chart that will place all who contributed in perspective with each other - sort of a 3D consciousness map/sphere in which you'll be a coordinate

with respect - P19

My ten would be:

my species
my work
my gender
my imagination
my sense of humor
my family
my creativity
my confidence
my sexuality
my awareness

Addiction is the consequence of an undeveloped will. The power associated with will is given over to a substance , process or paradigm that will then manipulate the consciousness until its will is reclaimed, reconditioned or rehabilitated - this is the opportunity to reach escape velocity - any consciousness space kept to close to the border could necessarily claim towards relapse - willpower is an illusion but an extremely satisfying concept to experience and use to shift a world

Curiosity especially of dark spaces can bring its own complications when time to leave - if you aware of the patterns playing out and dont trip into them in too much detail the opportunity will exist to escape the cycle if you have enough momentum to reach escape velocity. The difficulty come in when you realise the cycle has completed its value to you but you either cant recognise the door out or an addictive pattern has developed that now fights for your energy keeping you bound to the paradign youve been investigating. Again awareness of the paradigm is key - the secondary strategy will be to identify an equally aligned pattern being held by another person/group/activity that you can find registration in - the key would be that you in your capacity can affect their pattern in a way that will increase their momentum / stability to creat a level of focus that though the combined force will build enough momentum to shift your resonance to escape velocity level - It would be important o be aware of the boundries you will need to draw between this parallel pattern as not to become part of it - affect it and release it once the force necessary for your original intention has been reached - you will literally be hitchhiking a ride out of a paradigm and have the opportunity to project yourself into a vibrational space difficult to detect by any of the players in the previous world - dicipline will be necessary to uncondition conversations and scenarios playing out in your imagination to get the stillness necessary to be completely undetectable - catch the wave

Just letting you know

paradigm reevuluation is emminent

or at least mine is

adios

There is such a trade off in being in a relationship im truely amazed that it is perceived as such an desirable state of being in our present time - although it would would probably depend on the space you hold within this time too. Consentual reality teaches you that if you not in one there is something wrong with you - youre abnormal - im not that consentual generally but it truely is difficult to be so consistant for the sake of not creating negative interpretation. For me relationships slows down time, it becomes increasingly more difficult to be optimal as your behavior and speach is filtered through this relation aspect - i do like the challenging aspect of wanting to be a better person though this comparative process but its definately very time consuming.

Yesterday i came to the conclusion that my most desireable state would be complete madness with complete control over it but today this just seems like the opposite to the relationship im in.

at least there is time and it runs out - im definately in favor of little love cycles - depth i find easily enough outside of them

i will probably think differently tomorrow again

life one day at a time as one day relationships make sence

There is such a trade off in being in a relationship im truely amazed that it is perceived as such an desirable state of being in our present time - although it would would probably depend on the space you hold within this time too. Consentual reality teaches you that if you not in one there is something wrong with you - youre abnormal - im not that consentual generally but it truely is difficult to be so consistant for the sake of not creating negative interpretation. For me relationships slows down time, it becomes increasingly more difficult to be optimal as your behavior and speach is filtered through this relation aspect - i do like the challenging aspect of wanting to be a better person though this comparative process but its definately very time consuming.

Yesterday i came to the conclusion that my most desireable state would be complete madness with complete control over it but today this just seems like the opposite to the relationship im in.

at least there is time and it runs out - im definately in favor of little love cycles - depth i find easily enough outside of them

i will probably think differently tomorrow again

life one day at a time as one day relationships make sence

stimilus and responce, cause and effect, appearance and deception, truth and lies, objectivity and conviction,

I have pushed boundries to where the boders have no value, i have managed time to such a degree that the past is irrelevant in my moment, my eyes are open but my heart is asleep - i forgot who ive been and recreate myself every moment

now im bored of the experience and will shift the world to a new position of growth potential

if i forget this space it will not exist

and what if you ate the most trippy magic mushrooms an hour before - would you believe it to be real?

death is a very challenging concept in the context of multidimentional theory. whenever something or someone dies the possible worlds that held them as a variable becomes extinguished - that light is switched off - tha sadness that come connets to the worlds beyond the indiviual , pet or organism that no longer is possible to manifest - an entire paradigm dies with them. if one thinks about the billions of cycles coming to this conclusive spot every second of our being the entrire possibility reality flickers like a strobe light in and out of existance

the opposite side of birth or beginning bring the fresh and new potential the chistmas lights being turned on for the season

together making waking life a precious experience between these inevitable poles

we can remember but we cant control time

my dog was put to sleep yesterday - i was very shocked having received the news after the dream i had - (check below) - in a way the gorilla may have been a symbolic representation of the group soul this pet of mine belonged and was returning to in my headspace understanding of death - who knows - i was touched by the passing

her pic is on my fridge

I have had my fair share of apocolypse dreams and pretty much disturbing end of the world kinda stuff - last night was quite strange in that i had a dream in which everyone featured that i perceive to have power in my world - basically family, business partner and a soul connection who featurures in my most vivid lucid dreams.

In the dream i was walking with my mother - it was asif we had a destination in mind - it was ominous - we were in a cartoon like world and i was looking back at a city hearing the blasring speaker phones announcing a challenge being answered - a king kong kind of character came through the mists toward where we were - it was a negative experience we opened a carrier case and let our dogs out that ran towards theis gorilla - it had a cow in its hand and proceded to cut its belly - spilling the stomach contents creating a strong scent that attracted the animals. Leaving the scene we were aware of all pets in this post apocolyptic world having died/been taken away - i recal seeing a woman trying to revive her dog - there were plastic bags on the streets - at closer investigation they revealed the taxidemered forms of cats - lifeless forms - we were returing to our new home that seemed small but safe - I saw my uncle here too - he was busy constructing the enterior from wooden poles and perspex - i got the impression that it was housing for all my cousins - there were strange babies in this space too - they were interacting with my uncle but seemed to drain him of his energy - i was aware of then seeing my dad - we had a good time interacting i was rubbing his shoulders like a massage - we talked about the pets - i felt guilt in having taken them to the gorilla scene - Next my sister and her husband presented themselves runing a kind of food store - next i was walking down a street and came across an entire family of my soul connection - she came out and spoke to me - she apologised to me - i ditdtoo( we knew what it was about) i cried - then i saw her son with a toy - sort of a car that had holographic metalic dogs pulling it - it was some kid of communication device - a similar life sized vehicle drove past - it seemed like a security kind of setup - left me feeling unrestful - i was aware that electricity was taken out of the equasion in this post world - it was accomplished my a kind of sound device - no applianced would have any use here - i was thinking of my office and realising that none of our computers or the work we have done would have any ability here - I thought we will have to learn to se a new kind of computer - i was sure that my business partner would be able to figure all that out

it felt darker and harder - it all happened in one day

Every human expression has a associated glamour attached to it - the environment one finds oneself in will set up a hierarchy of characters that will fill the roles making particular positions within that space appear desirable - take any subculture and you will be able to idenify what the criteria would be to be considdered cool/ attractive/ intellegent/ acheiver/ successful etc - you are either a contestant or a supporter making it so. So what if you hit top position - the envy of everybody around you the most desirable position to be in and it just dont feel that amaizing and the illusion does not accompany all the effort in being that position - what does one do - search for a new subculture in which you can become an unaware player? Create a new unexplored role and develop it into a mask of perfection to be removed only once youve seen through the glamorous nature of your own creation - take notice of the stimilus bringing to you to this point over and over again and try to get an understanding of it - once you neutralise the stimilus creating the allure you would have wise eyes to identify disempowerment

i have been thinking about how context define us - if we had the ability to change whatever we could at will - to design our own etopia's as such would the creative potential be enough to keep us interested - the illusion would be complete - but with complete freedom to shift the illusion to whatever you wanted - the experiential aspect would be the same - it would feel real - like a very lucid dream which you had complete contoll over. There would be almost no restrictions to expression even death would be considdered a valid experience - the duality of experience would become neutralised - everything would be equal as just being something - it would become very difficult to differentiate and eventually everything would become neutralised to a state of amoral (judgement free) experience - could such a world actually be desirable?

now here is the dilemma - without struggle the novelty may wear off very soon - creation could become completely boring in itself - how many permetations would you be willing to repeat before you reach a saturation point

the aspect of struggle, difficulty, pain, suffering give us a variable of appreciation, value and challenge that makes the process of everyday life something that you can have perspective within - a unique viewpoint that hold value - well to you at least

A god in etopia must sure be a very strange being

what is your perception of power? - the power to control others/ the power of money to make processes possible/the power to make people feel good/the power to be precentient/the power to make people find you sexually attractive/the power to create illusion/the power to heal/ the power to facilitate change/the power to destroy/the power to manipulate a given outcome/ the power to evoke emotional responces

im unsure but think all the above highlight some of my perceptions - so what quitessential quality do you perceive power to be?

this topic (1) gave me the greatest number of hits ever - that makes me believe peoples curiosity in blogland is predominantly built around topics realting to sex/perceived topics on sex

who knows though - all just guesswork from my point of view

on a lighter note - it seems that i will be finding myself working on a complex project soon that will challenge my creativity to levels difficult to comprehend at the moment - how to make law entertaining with humor rather than with cleverness. a FOCUS till end september

there is no beauty without obscurity

Living on this planet is surely a paradox, a contradiction to the world peace view we seem to uphold. Life to me is predetory, its big fish eats little fish - a strange thing happens when you wake up to the realisation that once youve seen through the illusion it becomes impossible to escape the manipulation cycle governing relationships, business, entertainment. Knowledge does not set you free - it binds you to its own laws - the more aware you become the more subserviant you become to those beliefs proving that you are "aware" in the first place.

How does one reach escape velocity - the ability to have ultimate perspective - the ability to know without language or visual context, being conscious without the addiction to meaning - BEING

Human being - your beauty lies in ignorance

Essentially everything is an illusion, ultimately nothing will make sense & its all incredibly important

about five years ago i drove a little VW golf that was a magical car indeed - ive never been so psychicly connceted to any other inanimate object before and it looked after me very well - on my way to work something strage did happen - i heard a big cluck and my car stalled - at this tme i was just off the hiway on an offramp i managed to get the car started but there was some problem with my gearbox - my car could not get into gear - well i managed to get it into reverse - out of sheer desparation i then managed to turn my car around and drove to work in reverse gear - the traffic was tight and not moving very fast so it was not impossible to do - i did however draw allot of attention from everyone else in my lane - ofcourse i did it with complete conviction asif there was absoluitely nothing more natural that what i was doing - i got a few stares turing at the traffic lights i even switched my indicating to comply with traffic regulations - it was a very funny day when i eventually got to work

A micro paradigm could be an environment you spend energy, time or interaction which will seemingly be giving you something you desire in return for payment in some form - a club you frequent is a good example. The subculture that develops around such an environment keeps the paradigm alive by making its survive in the first place - collectively all players keep each other in place to make the illusion workable - Essentially you pay for your place on the ferris wheel it just depends when you will be getting off or if you will be aloud to - a place faling out of favour/ you outgrow the place or you find the association with the place no longer desireable - this is a interesting time - if you were you reenter the space post this awareness - you will probably be able to identify characters who have taken your place in the paradigm - these character would have been attracted to the position you developed within the paradigm one they wish to emmulate - however if you become aware of the nature of your specific interaction with the paradigm say while the ferris wheel kept you at the top it will be difficult for you to escape - the paradigm will keep you in that place in order to protect its own survival - the waiting game will begin where you will be at the mercy of the opperator who will bring you to where you can get off - you could take a risk and jump when you close enough to a safe landing but nothing is guarateed but rater that than you find yourself moving up again.

leap - fractals are deep

this picture was taken at Messina when i had my first and only full solar eclips experience - i think about three years ago - all the trees you see here are baobabs (NB. for reference read "the little Prince") we were standing on a odd rock on a plain with the shadow of the moon moving over us - the full eclips was seriously an experience everyone should have at least one time in their lifetime - im sure it can be positively addictive (the sunchasers prove this)and the experiential feedback your body goes through i have never experienced in any other way

weed you planets often

how strange - for weeks i have have had google placing ads about knitting patterns on my blog (i seem to blog about patterns allot)- but having used Moses is one of my headings i now showcase ad's on the 10 commandmnents! - and this on a blog of someone who is not religious!! The religion paradigm is obviously a powerful one in google land - im sure something related to sex would shift my ad focus again but i should try and trick google in a more clever way!

Keep tuned - Odd posting experiments will follow

touched the planet here:

Egypt/Sinai
England - London/Bath/Lincolnshire
Italy - Rome
Jordan
Holland - Amsterdam
Mozambique - Xai Xai
Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur
Namibia - Windhoek/Ludritz
South Africa
Taiwan - Taipei
USA - Georgia - Atlanta
USA - California - San Fransisco/Berkely
USA - Nirvada - Blackrock City
Whales - Swansea
Zimbabwe - Victoria Falls

curiosity surely defines us - the possibility of coming across something pleasant in an unexpected way is a driving force that govens most of our impulsive behavior - the varaible of uncertainty that new possibilities bring also bring its own trappings - once we decide what we wish that outcome to be. At this point we will spend energy in an attempt to control the outcome rather than find meaning in that which presented itself - so we willingly enter the trap of of possibility - the pattern has caught you though your own devices.

Soap operas are fascinating - they expore all situational possibilities but the obvious balanced one - in a way teaching people how to mimmic this phenomena and condition themselves into a similar state of drama - life as taught by the idiot box

How we educate is how we are

Visiting Amsterdam is great if you into natural psychedelics - yeah everyone knows they sell dope in cafe's but as i dont smoke the magic mushroom shop i found was much more op my ally - I took a train trip to the Krohler Muller outdoor museum near Appledoorn and having consumed a huge dose of phylosopher stones i found this place - i sat here for quite some time being amused by the children running around on top of this peice of art - it only became stranger - this place is a wonderland for the explorer and very intence if you do it though the filter of magical fungi - i spent the entire day between various extreme emotional, mental and visual states - even closing my eyes was a different world - the experience was profound and convinced me to take some shrooms home - these i shared with my parents (their first ever induced experience) while we wondered around in a botanical garden - it was seriously something incredible to experience with them

The sabotage archetype teaches you that which you should be weary of or be aware of: danger zones unique to you - where and when you sabotage yourself will give you very good indication of the patterns that have power over you or those you allow to have. You are lucky if you can identify that which is not good for you - some people believe their hell to be heaven especially in their relationships with others. If you identify the behaviors that you use to enlighten yourself about your darker side what do you do about it - firstly spot the pattern - your personal saboteur will show you the situations, actions and behaviors that symbolise the pattern - once you can identify the feelings/ emotional state associated with the pattern you will be able to recognise any other time the pattern plays itself out - if you can recognise the feeling you will be able to manage your responce to it - some effort is required to register the feeling - not just the action as a sabotage pattern will be able to express itself in many ways (give the feeling a name/number or symbol consciously) once you have names something you will be able to create perspective - identify the stimilus that lead to the responce in action and neutralise it (take its power away) this could give you the opportunity to practice establishing shifting a pattern into a new form - you would have grasped the value the pattern was teaching you - the underlying wisdom that will form the completing template (its gift/answer) to that aspect of your psyche expression - new patterns will take its place but you will be more aware of them - the same pattern will be recognisable not only in yourself but in others too when you get the feeling feedback of which you will hold a template of solution - instead of being played by a pattern you will be able to consciously shift it - start small - before long you will be able to change worlds and recognise that you've done so - saboteur as an ally is a powerful friend

In primary school i was a bit of an anarchist - a trouble maker in many ways but very undetectable at my art. Everything was an experiment to me - a way to make energy move and an ability to be fascinated by the outcome govened most of my nature.

so it was that i got hold of som tom-tom crackers that make a bang when you throw them. I had a bright idea in break just before music class to stick them to the pedals of the piano so that they can create someting fun when our teacher ( a wonderfully potty old bat) played us some tunes. break came and went and I entered the class in great anticipation - it wasnt long till we were heading into some kind of musical piece when to my dissapointment it seemed that my plan didnt work - no bangs - as a backup plan i launched a tom tom to the front of the class from the stepped seats we were on and it was asif i was watching it in slow-motion from the back of the class - the tom tom landed on my teachers head - she got a fright - shook her head and the tom tom hit the floor with a bang - at this time she hit the pedal of the piano hard setting off the second and then launched into an attack onto the class hitting anyone she could with a ruler - needless to say it was chaos and my fellow studends were moving at incredible speeds to get out of the way of the teacher - no-one save me and one of my friend knew who created it and it was a spectacular music class - luckily she calmed down enough not to send us all to the principal - it does however stand out as a great school memory

in 1999 i received a phone call from a old connection whom i lost to a nervous breakdown - he didnt say much exept - "just a message Egypt 2000" That planted a seed that did eventually materialise in me travelling on my own for 5 weeks through Egypt, Sinai and Jordan - all which braughtr particular magical experiences. Exactly in the middle of my journey i found myself in Dahab and had the opportunity to travel to Mount Sinai to witness the sunrise. After quite an extensive bustrip at night we arrived at the St katherine monastery at about 12 at night at which time we started to walk up to the summit - i remember having a few conversations and one powerful one on our way up - it was winter so it was pretty chilly and i was dressed in many layers which caused me to sweat allot and generally be in the duality state of freezing and overheating. Anyway four hours later we hit the top - we were the first few up there - there was not much to do - i had a cup of very expensive tea and then got myself wrapped up in my sleeping bag trying to move as little as possible and having only one nostral exposed for breathing.

well it was pretty uncomfortable and you couldnt really sleep so i just tried not to get frostbite by wiggling my toes. So the wait for sunrise began - i sort of heard people arrive but not venturing out of my sleeping bag i had little idea of the crowds gathering to see the sun. This all changed though when i could hear some Dutch people close to and the next moment found myself sat upon! Trying not to be rude - i stuck my head out of the sleeping bag and said - "hey" - at which the poor dutch lady got a huge fright apologising and explaing how she took me for a stone - i must have been convincing. Having now been woken up i looked around me to see close to a hundred people on the summet - this was however not as astounding as the cliff that was one meter behind me - i was quite pleased i didnt turn in my sleep! i think the shock did something profound to me cause i hit a dejavu space that included full recall of the setting, crowds and conversations of the people happening around me - i spent a good 30 seconds following all that was happening before it was acted out - all in all a pretty awsome experience. The sunrise was beautifull and i had a great walk back down - there is something about walking up a mountain with intention and walking down moved

I think that my parents have quite a profound consciousness connection to me - my personality is definitely not a linear progression from i would say how i was brought up - me and my sister are fairly complex consciousnesses with strange power and luck that is very obvious in its effect and nature not only on us but upon our environments too. Its as if my parents hold the space which make it possible for us to experientially be the kind of people who's way is not very conforming but has effect. I feel very much like a "younger soul" with further reach. my mom visited for a few days and I'm acutely aware of the effect of her energy upon my consciousness space - not in a prescribing manner but very much a protective and alignment way - this aspect perplexes me in many ways but i also sense it being a contractual space that does resonate to a pattern I'm connected to. I find our family very alien to most people around us and sometimes it seriously feels like we are in a time that we are interacting with but not what we necessarily from.

It feels as if the world was reset by this interaction and i do feel as if i have a more grounded focus I'm working towards.

Last night i became aware of a very bizarre interaction that once again made perfectly sense in the experience but was quite strange when contemplating. I have been practicing Kundalini Yoga for quite some time and although i do enjoy the practice i have been weary of the religious aspects associated (Sikhism) Experientially i had a similar strange experience when my sister visited and her awareness of the space also was cautionary. It feels as if a similar resonance was created with my mom here - The dream space was strange - i entered a tower - i did have another male friend with me although i cant recall who it was - as we entered the steps someone was coming down and stopped handing me two pieces of identical papers - the papers had patterns on it - he voiced that Yogi Bajan (the guru of sikhism who passed last year) was a head of the mob and also the rest of the religious significance - I had a bag filled with different valuable with me it seemed - as we reached a top floor there was a sense of danger or tension - i saw my one yoga teacher ( who i have not trained with for a while ( husband to my present on) be in a state of protection - the bag was taken from me ( including the one map - the other map was in my pocket - i was confronted with the map and there was a sense of desperateness and fear from these people - i was searched and realizing that they would find the map - proceeded in eating it and swallowing the paper - my thinking in this space was that i can preserve it by retching it up when im safe. A very strange and violent episode followed where i proceeded to destroy the idol/god who was a man harbored by these people specifically smashing in the face - it was not an act in anger - it felt perfectly justified and the face did not respond like human flesh - - it was however my intention to destroy it - one of my last thought being to throw this man from the tower as to ensure that it died. Strangely enough i picked up a video from my teacher this morning and i saw the closure of the pattern - the door closed - i was given gifts and it felt completed. I had two challenging energetic interactions with someone within that pattern also - the past sundays one week apart who i hardly ever come in contact with but who's specific teacher/guru i also had no resonance with.

In the dream i had complete conviction - my awake space feels a bit shocked - im going with the dream space though.

In a weird way it feels asif i got to explore and take from the paradigm something fundamental and valueable although the fact that i did not stay created a strange resistance from those within it - it felt asif i destroyed the god i created within the paradigm and created shock in the process - its a very strange space to be in but does feel very solid at the same time

other than that i travelled to one of the geologically oldest spaces (3,5 billion yrs) on the planet - walked though a mountain tunnel in close to complete darkness and found my phone's simcard reset when me and my mom emerged the other side - today im neutral in so many ways and focussed in many others

i thought this had value in expressing as much as documenting it

Every possible scenario you may find yourself in illustrates your ability to manage power - Your relationship to this force will be reflected in the various characters and situations you choose to interact with. Archetypal forces will give you an indication of the nature of the kind of power you interacting with and how to better manage them; one of these we are share is:

The saboteur: maybe the most difficult of all the archetypes to understand, because its name is associated with betrayal. Yet the purpose of this archetype is not to sabotage you, but to help you learn the many ways in which you undermine yourself. How often do you set new plans in motion, but you fall into the same destructive pattern because of what you fear.

The Saboteur's fears and issues are all related to low self-esteem that causes you to make choices that block your own empowerment and success. One needs to face this powerful archetype that we all possess and make it an ally. When you do, you will find that it calls your attention to situations in which you are in danger of being sabotaged, or of sabotaging yourself. Once you are comfortable with the Saboteur, you learn to hear and heed these warnings, saving yourself untold grief from making the same mistakes over and over. Ignore it, and the shadow Saboteur will manifest in the form of self-destructive behavior or the desire to undermine others.

is your saboteur friend or foe

Memory seems to be selective - i struggle to forget a face and the context in which i meet people - i do however forget names - even those of my friends - i recognise someone ive met instantaneously in a crowd - i never find it difficult to find people at say a music concert and seem to be able to turn myself invisible when i see people i dont necessarily want to see me - people appear in the world around me when i have specific topic related to them /context in my mind - im hardly ever surprised to see someone although the obviousness of say the reason of them being there sometimes do shock me - people seem like characters in the millions of movies playing out around me and i get to be in the audience watching the movie they were unaware themselves being in - with this experiential aspect prominent its not too difficult looking at people as simply scenery - it seems so illusionary and coincidental that it seams more fake than meaningful - i look the same i did twelve years ago and people dont ever recognise me without shock believing the world to be small. within all this i hope my way of doing life will prove its ultimate value in time for me to comprehend it - purpose proves itself to be a pickle

Only through creativity can we discover new opportunities, and only by applying our knowledge can we take advantage of them

There exists a terrible book called - how to make friends and influence people - i recall hearing that this book has only been outsold by the bible!

now the premise of the book or that which my dad told me (once a firm believer in the theory) was that you need to sweet talk and compliment people in order for them to like you - you stroke their ego and wham you fall into their favor.

Now im not sure i would like people much who would fall for such a shallow trick and having observed suggestive power in practice i formulated a different way of looking at it.

Lowest common denominator:

I usually find that communication tend to become less focused the more people are involved with it. Im a big fan of one on one as it seems energetically the most effective - group discussions invoke too much competition in needing to be heard which sometime limits the potential of the discussion - then again a surprising variable can stimulate allot.

If we were all just real numbers (excluding 1 for illustration purposes) - some numbers could be considered having more suggestive power over others say all those divisible into it

A nr 10 person would have power of influence over a nr 5 and nr 2 - be friendly with other nr 10's considered your equals and may find yourself working for your boss a nr 100

a nr 2 would have friends but no suggestive power

A nr 100 person influence over a Nr 50, 25, 10, 5, 2 etc

Take a motivational speaker say at 500 - he may be a higher than your average person and would have the power to influence over allot of lower numbers - his methods would create the limits of his influence and some higher ranking individuals would simply find him not very motivational at all!

Now if one were to be a complicated individual not really susceptable to the everyday razz matazz of people who play themselves as powerful and should yourself being a Nr 2373 you would have influence say over a seemingly rare nr 791 a fairly eccentric nr 339 and unlucky 113 - creating a particularly interesting crowd to hang out with.

you can be born with a specific number and stay that number your entire life - You could develop your number using a system like the corporate ladder or politics that will create a number for you but can take it away too

you could develop your number by yourself using a course that could promise you the potential of another number but could not guarantee it

Money could buy you a number but you will be perceived as a fraud if you cant fill the shoes of of the number you faking

Glamour could fake you a number too but you would probably only have influence over those who subscribe to that numbers glamour - like the celebrity game

or you could find yourself being a genius who is never understood simply because your number has mutated into a form no-one can identify

a number 100 would be able to conceive a nr 1000 but would struggle getting a grip on a nr 113

makes one think what the the optimal number would be to be

A congruent person can afford to empower others

C myss

Be afraid of nothing, you have within you all power, all strength all hope and all understanding

If you know you want it - have it

AL - Xmas msg

So now that you got to a spot of being aware that you occupying a place on a planet, part of the collective think tank doing life now what.

We love, we work, we indulge, we experience being the best and worst of ourselves - and within all of that we impose meaning on everything around us in an attemp to explain why we ended up here in the first place.

So what can you do with all this wisdom - apply it to systems within the system - extend that which already exist, develop ideas, technology, art, cuture - creating tools and using them more effectively.

If one ends up creating enough momentum to propell your value to unexplored places you will make an impression - if not you probably wouldnt have noticed it anyway

fire your rockets

the person who designed the GUI for the "write" menu must have had some underlying intention for choosing the letters FUKD to indicate bold, Underlined, Italic and Delete (usually B,U,I,D) - everyone's subconscious would pick the referral (to fucked) up every time they created post so in a weird way he is creating offensive commentary to everything being written about without any further action - infrastructure says allot about the designer - personally i find it a weak meme im creating awareness about - but none the less a easy one to illustrate the power of meme's - writing a post now might never not have unawareness of this meme ever again - which at least in this blog community would be an interesting enough phenomena

ok now try not to notice it

1 - birth/ beginning
2 - duality, polarity
3 - three dimentional - the world
4 - all directions, karmic challenge, negative
5 - protection, banishment
6 - as above so below
7 - anthakarana, perfect form
8 - infinity
9 - closure, complete, end

only death and birth is real - everything in between just seems to be an attempt in explaining them

if you can doubt you are free

When we are able identify anomalies and inconsistencies in a given paradigm that we are unable to solve in a given paradigm, our view of reality must change, as must the way we perceive, think and value the world. We need to take on new assumptions and expectations that will transform our theories, traditions, rules and standards of practice. We need to facilitate the paradigm shift.

Shifting our mindset does not cost money, its democratic, nonviolent, effective, not stoppable from without and our greatest power. By becoming aware of how addictive paradigms affect our individual and collective existence we could stimulate enough will power to reach escape velocity from their trappings. In fact we might even be able to do it again.

* part of development script for Addiction Concsiousness Documentary

By moving out of personal drama a non-distorted perspective is possible when interacting and identifying the patterns of society as well as the addictive processes we are subjected to.

Addictive processes permeate every social system we’ve got, from schools to churches to workplaces to governments – in fact society itself is an addictive system. In contrast to substance addiction, Process addictions are the one’s society applauds. [working, winning, high-stress, perfectionism, relationships, making money, spending and debting, gaining power, getting fame, living out family dramas] They are however every bit as deadly. Collectively these addictions underlie almost every social and global ill we witness today. Neither substance or process addiction is limited to one race, sex, economic class, region or occupation; we all share it.

Cognitive distortions are logical but not rational and can create difficulty in thinking. They are selective filters to truth that lead to distorted expression ultimately creating DRAMA binding us to paradigms that can’t survive without distorted justification. Here our expression and projection of identity within social structures is often fragmented, fabricated and false (am I?).

Identity suffers due to the distorted views we as individuals and cultures impose upon ourselves. We believe that to expose our filters is to expose ourselves, that if we lose them we lose ourselves and that they are the reason we survive. We fuse with them and believe that they all we got. If filters like these are recognized and released the process can lead to a different way of thinking and being. [Paradigm shift]

Cognitive distortions also affect our biology. Each thought we have has a corresponding biochemical/hormonal response in the body’s endocrine system, affecting the central nervous system and giving us experiential feedback we call feelings [happy, sad, angry, surprised, depressed]. Simplistically, the way we think triggers the chemically processes that govern the emotions [dark or light] we crave and the actions that express them.

Our thinking patterns create a desired chemical state that SERVES US. Extreme highs and extreme lows follow extreme states of cognitive activity and Dramatic expression [distorted action/reaction] as well as an extreme chemical reaction in our bodies. Through conditioning these states become endocrinically addictive.

The next question is; were we able to identify micro distortions like these would we choose to change or avoid them or are we socially conditioned to thrive on mental, emotional and physical imbalance; addicted to remain within distorted paradigms?

Recognition of distortion alerts us to change. By identifying distorted patterns negatively affecting our psyche [personality, drives, feelings, beliefs, motivations] and changing them we can break through the addiction. Will power can elevate us beyond the chemically/emotionally addictive states associated with these processes and establish clarity and true expression of identity.

* part of my development script for Addiction Concsiousness Documentary

Being Human is about what we think [MENTAL], what we feel [EMOTIONAL] and the expression thereof [PHYSICAL]. Various distortions, cognitive, emotional and their related actions affect this process. When these paradigm filters obscure our inner self to create an ‘outer self’ that does all the coping – the gap left inside becomes void. The trouble intensifies when we identify with out paradigm filters.

Some of our most common cognitive distortions include:

The Fortuneteller Error – where ones anticipation of an event makes one feel that the prediction is an already established fact

Mind Reading – one arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting to you in a specific way, but one doesn’t bother to check it out

Mental filter – picking out a single detail and dwelling on it exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes clouded

Jumping to conclusions – making a interpretation even though there are no definite facts to convincingly support your conclusion

All-or-nothing thinking - seeing things as black and white

Personalization – seeing yourself as the cause for some external event, which you were not primarily responsible for

The Binocular Trick – where you inappropriately shrink things until they appear insignificant

Catastrophizing - exaggerating the significance of things

Overgeneralization – seeing a single event as a never-ending pattern

Emotional reasoning – one assumes that emotions necessarily reflect the way things are – “I feel it therefore it must be true”

Disqualifying the positive/negative – rejecting positive/negative experiences by insisting that they don’t count for some reason or other

I DOUBT THEREFOR I AM

* part of my development script for Addiction Concsiousness Documentary

How very convenient to leave out the 2 of 2006 in all the 06/06/06 mumbo jumbo - i guess the devil forgot to pitch up in 06/06/1906 according to the same thinking - and of course every century before that... - The human phenomena of creating an archetype to blame for everything we don't wish to take responsibility for illustrates nothing but our own ignorance - as long as there is something to blame we sit tight in our comfort zones - brilliant species we are

The number 466/64 refers to the prison number of Nelson Mandela - Prisoner number 466 in the year 1964 when he was imprisoned. The number was used as a symbol for people suffering of the AIDS epidemics all over the world and was initiated a campaign bringing musicians and audiences together and create awareness and stimulate responsibility in a time of crisis

GIVE ONE MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE TO AIDS - read the following

Annie Lennox speech at Fancourt George South Africa:

"We have come here tonight to bring your attention to an unacceptable situation."

"What I have to say is going to alarm you �and you need to be alarmed in order to wake up to the fact that the AIDS crisis has reached unprecedented epidemic proportions."

"Among men, women and children, here and in other parts of Africa, AIDS is effectively causing mass genocide."

"Let me give you some facts�"

"In Africa, more people are wiped out by AIDS every year, than in the entire Asian tsunami disaster."

"There are probably 25,000 people here in the stadium tonight�look around and take it in�now double that number�every day, more than two stadiums like this become infected with HIV. Its horrific�think about it. And for every ten that are infected�six are women."

"In this society women are powerless and vulnerable to the whims of men who refuse to practice safe sex and use condoms."

"How can we implement awareness and change the notion that it�s acceptable for women to be exposed or forced in to having unprotected sex? This needs to change. Women�s rights have to be asserted and implemented."

"I am here to add my voice to the countless numbers of women who are forced into silence on this issue. Women need to insist on protecting themselves."

"Sex without condoms can serve a death sentence�"

"Between 12-14 million people in this country are probably carrying the HIV virus without knowing it. Every one of us needs to be aware of their own HIV status. You should know whether you are carrying the virus or not�"

"Free tests are available to everyone. Go get tested. Then you can prevent the spread of the disease"

"Please take it very seriously, when we tell you that right now the battle against AIDS is being lost. It is becoming worse�not better. Not nearly enough resources have been put into effectively dealing with the situation."

"In fact�we are at war, but the nation is asleep. A silent serial killer stalks the land. It murders millions of men, women and children as we ignorantly and passively stand by and watch."

"This is completely unacceptable. We absolutely must respond. We cannot allow this to happen. We need to take urgent and effective action right now."

"46664 invites and challenges the powers that be�"

"The governments, leaders, corporations and businesses, the media, the educators, universities and schools, men and women and children of this rainbow nation to join with us in the struggle."

"To continue to ignore it means only one thing�utter catastrophe."

"Thank you for listening."

made you look

so what you think

pieces faling together

or you out of sinc

are you the question

and i the clue

or am i just a meme

thats now part of you

Truth has no effect on a closed mind - it always takes less effort to kill an idea than it does to implement it.

We do not need to go around the world to find the truth - it is right here’ within us. There are many paths to the truth.

Truth that is organised will cause utter destruction.

Judgement is a lack of understanding. When you break down walls of judgement you will have reached understanding.

Do not attempt to understand others. Concentrate on understanding yourself.

Your wisdom and understanding are reflected in the choices you have made.

All wisdom and knowledge is accessed by remembering.

Healing deals with the cause of our illness. Curing just deals with the symptoms.

Both good and evil are self-imposed.

It is up to you to choose what thoughts remain in your mind.

Tolerance is very important. Any time we point a finger at anyone, we are pointing three fingers at ourselves.

* Thoughts to ponder on by Dianne Withers

now that i got to say what i think about stuff here is what i think of me

Who I am – Identity in my case is a set of variables that seemed to have combined in a WAY that differentiates me from mainstream society. I mostly function outside the paradigm and interact with what society offers in a very focused and intentional way. I generally don’t subscribe to glamour, fashion or consensual reality although I’ve learnt to use my brain and talent as a human being to survive sufficiently. Although I’ve devised a sort of way that works for me I don’t really know many people who function in a similarly – I’ve have found a few parallels though. I have a strong mind, well-established will power and an over stimulated imagination – I guess all of this connects to create a structured madness I have learnt to accept and sometimes tame. I detest drama or soap opera reality as I call it – I process internally and communicate in a focused way - conviction is key to me – I’m real in what I do in my moment but my nature is open ended so I give myself the freedom to change my mind whenever I want. I approach life from a energetic perspective – this is sort of the filter through which the world makes sense to me – everything is about resonance – that which I don’t resonate with I will ultimately reject or at least tease a bit as to get a level of understanding of it – given that I can anticipate at least some kind of value from the experience. I love my family and feel grounded there, my friends are wildly different but my connections with them are deep and valuable – im a one-on–one person although I can entertain groups easily enough. I have a fair amount of genius. I’m fairly layered with complexity and reason and I have the ability to see though clutter and understand the underlying structure of things. I’m not very sentimental but I have allot of integrity in whatever I interact with, sort of a natural old soul with allot of social bravado and definitely a unconventional sense of humor. My nature also lends itself toward making trouble – I love experimenting with human consciousness and one of the most fascinating things to me is to observe how the ripples pan out when I throw the stones! So yea I’m a bit weird a bit too clever for my own good but I’m solid in most of what I do. Most of all I’m aware of where I have come from, the spaces I have interacted with and the challenges that developed my character in the last 32 years. I respect intelligence and integrity above all – but have a good understanding and interest in the human psyche to accept that people fuck up often. I’m a bit of a workaholic, got perfectionist tendencies and definitely take delight in the bizarre; cutting edge space brave people venture into and generally brilliant stuff. Having said all that I’m very easy to please and easy to get along with – think I’m a fairly good human and deserve my place on the planet. Ok hope that’s enough

taken from my entree to "Survivor" - hehe thank god i didnt get it!

when i look at people intently or when someone enters my perception in a significant way i get a visual feedback that stays in my awareness - its like a picture you can recall of something known to you - it remains when i close my eyes and it in my language is a consciousness grid of the person at this specific point in time and specificly in relation to me. Its a living combination of very geometric lines - they look like a twodimentional representation of a complex three dimentional grids all mixed up - i see it "flat" so although it seem to have a three dimentional nature i get lost very quickly if i put too much attention on it - it sizes and changes then and i loose all usefullness - these patterns are unique to the person and not as easy to interpret as large scale experiential ones these lines seem to be what registers when contracts are created between people - or this is where significance of this is for me - pattern recognition for me becomes negotiaton for experiential exchange or simply energy exchange - sometimes this feels good other times it feel disempowering or draining - it directy affects my sense of balance - now that you got registartion it will next play itself out in a pattern in everyday life . I dont know what the significnce of the color is but its pale blue lines they all the same - in a color way people dont look different but the shapes differ vastly - sometimes i can only see a few but feel very close up to them - other times its lots of intersecting grids and i have a greater perspective - i understand it as a map of your influence at that point - More than that i havent guessed yet but when i move into a new pattern this picture grid changes for everyone - i can still recognise me though which does bring some continuity between time - it does however make people less real to me and creates allot of confusion for personalities who interact with the world very solidly

*correspondence with Andre (sa-sa-ra-ma-ri-ma)

I will not fear
Fear is the mindkiller,
Fear is the little death
That brings total Oblivion
I will permit my fear to pass
Over me and through me
And where it has gone
I will turn the inner eye
Nothing will be there
Only I will remain.

Frank Herbert ( DUNE )

Ps. It is generally known that spice conceptually was based on DMT - a substance Frank greatly experimented with - a fact that is quite obvious if youve read his books!

Home to the mighty sandworms, Arrakis, or Dune, is where melange, the mystical spice that facilitates the folding of space (warp),making time travel possible.

If you do something once you may never do it again, but if you were to do something twice you will definitely do it three times

To a degree some of our actions are surely influenced by our genes or just by "human nature," but most of our behavior and processes, has been learned from experience. This is true of our unwanted behavior too. So, if substance, process or even paradigm addictions have been learned through conditioning, they could be unconditioned too.

The brain is what makes us human, and is the most complex living neural structure in the known universe. This single organ controls all bodily activities ranging from heart rate to sexual function, emotion to learning and memory. Ultimately it shapes the thoughts, dreams and imagination that governs our experiences.

Addictive behaviors produce a variety of consequences. Almost all substance and process addictions occur when the consequences of an action are both immediate and delayed
like taking immediate pleasures but running into trouble in the long run, taking immediate small pleasures but losing out on major satisfactions later on avoiding a minor immediate unpleasant situation but risking a major problem avoiding a minor immediate unpleasant situation and, thereby, missing out on an important future event

smoking, over-eating, building love relationships with two people at same time, being let's-have-a-good-time-oriented at work that you are fired spending money impulsively as soon as you get it rather than saving your money for major, important purchases later, having a brief affair resulting in losing a good long-term relationship, teasing a person to the point that it becomes a big fight avoiding treatment for an emotional or addiction problem, neglecting to buy condoms or to take the pill, avoiding meeting people and not developing social skills that would lead to an enjoyable social life and wonderful relationships

so many addictions so little time!!

*part of my development script for Addiction consciousness Documentary

The desire to stop desire is itself a desire. When one is stopping desire, one is indulging in the desire to stop desire. Thus, desire itself can never be extinguished, since it is an essential part of being alive. Excessive desire to stop desire can lead to mortification, and excessive mortification can lead to the desire to stop the desire to stop desire, that is, the desire to give up all self-control and go back to square one. But the desire to stop the desire to stop desire is itself a desire, which — again — must not be indulged excessively. The middle way is a balance, obtained by fine-tuning all desires (including the desires to fine-tune desires) until none of them leads to craving. Craving, is an aberration, which leads away from the middle way. The middle way leads to resornance but the middle way is also its own destination

The objective of Buddhism is not the extinction of all desire, which is a form of nihilism, but the prevention of craving, i.e. excessive desire, thus seeking the "middle way"

Tanha is the opposite of mortification. Tanha is defiled joyfulness. Undefiled joyfulness can instead be attained through the practice of meditation. Tanha includes all-out indulgence in sensual desire, whereas mortification is the attempt to extinguish all desire. The Buddha's "middle way" involves steering clear of either of these extremes.

so where exactly are you standing within all of this!

*part of my development script for Addiction consciousness Documentary

A control paradigm, through the use of external reward systems manipulates specific behavior. Instead of self-direction the paradigm controls our behavior through rewards and punishments. We come to think and act like Pavlov's dog. That's the problem with external reward systems: they're fine until they become the means of addiction.
A control paradigm puts its external values first before the values of the individual, Having neither use nor place for them, unless they can be manipulated to ensure the paradigm’s survival. We either adapt or are rejected.
Conforming to a paradigm’s dictated behavior roles can result in great emotional pain, especially as individuals vary rarely fit perfectly into the set patterns of a paradigm. Numbing the emotional pain associated with these processes may be the actual mechanism that initiates and sustains addiction.
Numbing ourselves with addictions of process (money and power) or of substance (drugs and alcohol) makes us forget the pain of living in a control paradigm culture. By numbing us, addictions serve the paradigm well. As long as we forget pain, we don't confront its causes. Control Paradigms go unchallenged, as long as we find ways to cope within them.
Ironically, control paradigms often display the behavior patterns (immediate payout for long term damage) that are considered warning signs of addictive behavior in the individual.
A control paradigm is challenged by awareness of its destructive processes. Acknowledging what we feel in social systems is the first step toward a cultural paradigm shift. We can’t control reality or change human
nature, but we can shift our paradigm. Each of us in our own ways participates in creating new worldviews, which in turn create new worlds within and around us.

feeling safe on the boderline...

*part of my development script for Addiction consciousness Documentary

1.) Spirited Away (animation)
2.) Kung Fu Hussle
3.) State and Main
4.) Three colors trilogy
5.) Run Lola Run
6.) Lawn Dogs
7.) Dune
8.) Dark City
9.) Requiem for a Dream
10.)Magnolia

well these are the ones that came up today!

1.) Savage - Eurythmics
2.) The Forgotten Arm - Aimee Mann
3.) Passion (soundtrack to "The last temptation of Christ")
- Peter Gabriel
4.) Amused to death - Roger Waters
5.) Bare - Annie Lennox
6.) Bone Machine - Tom Waits
7.) Four Calender Cafe - Cocteau Twins
8.) Duality - Lisa Gerrard
9.) Screamadelica - Primal Scream
10.)The The - Mind Bomb

all these band are cool to explore - their lyrical content are strewn with pattrens that play out visibly - what you hear is what you can recognise

Addictions may be subdivided into substance addictions, including alcohol, various illicit and licit drugs and process addictions such as food, sex, gambling, internet,BLOGGING, work and spending, which are every bit as deadly, as they underlie substance addictions.

Many drugs or behaviors can precipitate a pattern of conditions recognized as addiction, which include a craving for the drug or behavior, increased tolerance to exposure, and withdrawal symptoms in the absence of the stimulus.

Substance addictions like alcohol, drugs, nicotine, food and caffeine are just the surface; they are the outward and visible ways addictive processes afflict and affect us. Within society’s paradigms, drugs (legal and illegal), alcohol and tobacco constitute the world’s biggest economic empire, rivaled only by the weapons industry. It seems that we can’t afford not to be substance dependent, our economies certainly are!

* part of my development script for Addiction Consciousness

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could control all our behavior? We'd avoid over-eating, alcoholism, all bad habits, procrastination, being late, impulsive comments and purchases, sinful behavior, misplaced objects and papers, rushing at the last minute, etc. Instead, we'll have good health, beautifully exercised bodies, excellent work habits, organized lives, success, good social graces, good mental health, healthy attitudes, and practically a guarantee of getting into heaven.

The truth is we can't control every aspect of our behavior. We are all a little out of control, some of us dangerously so. The point is that greater awareness (mindfulness) is needed for more rational self-direction [path] and greater self-control [vehicle]; and even then it will only be effective if we consciously make it so!

Addiction is a phenomenon that affects all of us in more ways than we would like to admit. Addictive behavior is not only about the drug addicts any more, although they might hold some of the clues… If we were to identify addictive behavior in our own lives we may have the opportunity to bankrupt destructive addictive paradigms and exchange them for empowering ones. This could become true on a personal and collective level…[creating awareness]

* part of my development script for Addiction Consciousness

While at university i one day walked into a girl who studied art with me at school - geeze i just remembered i dreamt of her recently - that dream was set in my university town too and i ended up interacting with a few characters from about that time - i remembers that in the shade the lawn didn't grow - this girl Inge was dressed in a black suit - she was part of the law department(she actually did study law) and in the dream she headed off in some direction with other people in black suits - that lead into another dream that i now remember too so let me get back to the story - she ended up inviting me to a dinner party where i was to meet a girl called Marijke - a very tall very attractive young woman who ended up being my first. There was instant chemistry that played out as a quick paced game of wits - the energy was so on fire everyone was feeling a bit hot - including her then boyfriend who didnt speak to me much.

So to my uncalculated surprise we ended up in the same industrial psychology class the next day and skipped the rest of the days classes hanging out at a coffee shop - the game was on.

Two day later whilst in my apartment i heard a familiar voice outside and at closer investigation it ended up being one and the same Marijke who unknowing ended up renting a room in the apartment next to me .

By this time the level of coincidence became so obvious that the experimental natures in both of us sort of took over. It was a fascinating intense time that kept on building towards an inevitable fall.

I had a little booklet on my door that people could leave me notes on - Ms Marijke left a few strategic ones that became a game of correspondence that ultimately ended up as the following:

"Possibilities are necessarily possibilities - better that one!"

to which i responded:

"One that betters possibilities necessarily is possible"

it was too

ok this was as exhibitionist as im likely to get - lol - check out some of my ideas too!

On my last night in Berkeley USA i got the opportunity to experiment with DMT the first time - Ian - my girlfriends brother who went to Burningman (most of my pics were taken there) with us by some strange coincidence got hold of DMT in Taiwan - having baught a glass pipe from one of the smoke shops in the mexican area in San Francisco we were set - we also baught a 20x extraction of Salvia that he had some knowledge about - all of this was new to me

in the garden outside my girfriend's digs we set out some beach chairs - it was full moon so all was pretty cool (except my girlfriend who had some issue with the experiment) and so it started.

The DMT was a cool ritual but honestly the effect was not at all what i expected - i have done quite some reading on DMT which made it extremely attractive to my psyche - however i has to take three hits before i got in touch with something. My first awareness was of how loud everything sounded (it was pretty much a silent night!) and then i became aware of a network of lines creating a sort of bubble around the garden we were in - it was like looking at the place through a fisheye lens - closing my eyes was much more entrertaining but i seemed to visually interpret typical america symbology in rich colors - although different to say mushrooms/LSD it was a very clean and clear visionary experience - Ian commented that i was very lucid and for an extended period of time but i wound not say that i experienced a breakthrough in experimenting with consciousness.

We opted to try the salvia - it had a very interesting and overpowering taste (im a non smoker) so it was quite harsh - however instantaniously the entire space i was in strated tearing away from itself - falling into itself from all directions - sitting in the beachchair i can relate my experience only as follows:

i became intensely aware of the point just in front of my finger on the chairs armrest - all colors was spitting in to individual aspects and everything became molecular - at this stage i forgot completely that i had a body i was relating directly with the space around me that was in a constant state of change. Each molecule was communicating about the cycles of birth and death it was going through - there was a sence of fear associated with the deathcycle. At this stage i was identifying myself as an aspect of consciousness trying to self preserve - being on the border of the globules entereing the death cycle as everything was falling into itself this aspect of consciousness reasoned that the only way to self preserve was to move to the centre of my brain

It took emmence offort to will this globule of intention to actually start moving but as this process started it was a very empowering action. as i came back to my sences i realised i was walking into towards myself standing in front of me - as i connected with myself i became this aspect of myself and was physically standing in the kitchen.

Ian related that at the same time i had about 6 fits of laughter ( him trying to get me to be quiet!) until i expressed that there was someone in the kitchen and i wanted to go see him - i stood up walked to the kitchen and once there came to some realisation that had me then sit down at the table and contemplate a while.

I have forgotten allot but i do remember that a basic principle of attention and affecting reality around you with this played itself out at the airport where i had a very visible effect of anything i would put my attention on responding to the possibility i was contemplating - definately too hectic for everyday life

If anyone ever come across either of these psychedelics - they are powerful paradigm shifters! tread lightly!

this site is put together by images - guess google will never find it!

http://www.lodestudios.co.za/index.html

Ps. this is what i do when im not writing here!

Numbing ourselves with addictions of process (money and power) or of substance (drugs and alcohol) makes us forget the pain of living in a control paradigm culture. By numbing us, addictions serve the paradigm well. As long as we forget pain, we don't confront its causes. Control Paradigms go unchallenged, as long as we find ways to cope within them.

Ironically, control paradigms often display the behavior patterns (immediate payout for long term damage) that are considered warning signs of addictive behavior in the individual.

A control paradigm is challenged by awareness of its destructive processes. Acknowledging what we feel in social systems is the first step toward a cultural paradigm shift. We can’t control reality or change human nature, but we can shift our paradigm. Each of us in our own ways participates in creating new worldviews, which in turn create new worlds within and around us.

new patterns surround us all the time

The human brain consists of some 10 billion interconnected nerve cells with innumerable extensions. This interlacing of nerve fibers and their junctions allows a nerve impulse to follow any of a virtually unlimited number of pathways.
Prompted by experience, neuron activity stimulates nerve cell growth and synaptic proliferation – the neural basis of learning, knowledge ability and skill. Together these processes of structural growth and patterned interplay provide humans with a seemingly infinite variety of responses to sensory input, which may depend upon experience, mood, or any of numerous other factors. This 100-billion-neuron-brain of ours with 1000 growing, changing synapses on each neuron and over 100 chemical neurotransmitters interacting in each synapse enables some wonderfully complex behavior and thoughts.

Each thought we have has a corresponding biochemical/hormonal response in the body’s endocrine system, affecting the central nervous system and giving us experiential feedback [happy, sad, angry, surprised, depressed]. Simplistically, the way we think triggers the chemically processes that govern the emotions [dark or light] we crave and the actions that express them.
Our thinking patterns create a desired chemical state that serves us positively or negatively. Extreme highs and extreme lows follow extreme states of cognitive activity and Dramatic expression [action/reaction] as well as an extreme chemical reaction in our bodies.
Could conditioning these states become endocrinically addictive? Evolutionary biologists have suggested this process of attenuating pleasure pathways is part of the brain's natural system for ensuring that humans develop abiding interests. Since human societies depend on enduring attachments, many theorists suggest such addictions are not necessarily a problem.
However if these internal chemical reactions are associated with an addictive behavior pattern, the process of conditioning and association can reinforce this behavior pattern. The addiction may not be purely to the chemical state inside our own bodies but this initial reward may ensure abiding interests that become addictive behavior

We teach ourselves the paradigms we believe in, whether through systematic reasoning or through blind faith, individually we give them the power they hold. So what occurs when paradigm addicts lose the realization that they are in a paradigm? In its extreme form ardent paradigm supporters would have equated paradigm survival with their own personal survival and will manipulate and control a society to prevent any social or cultural advancement out of the existing paradigm, ignoring or suppressing public knowledge of anomalies, equating perception of anomalies to ‘personal abnormality’ in order to intimidate populations to remain within the status quo control paradigm. On a micro scale this is true for the individual stuck in an addictive cycle too. Addiction to a paradigm results in either paradigm death or death of those who maintain the paradigm. [Cults, government, religion, consumerism, drugs]

Being human has no set formula. We live close to six billion stories simultaneously searching for purpose, understanding, fulfillment and happiness. Yet equally prevalent we find their opposing expressions; the darker experiences within human behavior.

How we perceive and interpret experience is shaped by our internal structure of beliefs and concepts - our paradigms. Paradigms are the mental tools we use to make sense of life and survive in it, the blueprints we’re using to build our worlds. In fact our every thought and action is paradigm connected.

We can readily see the influence of our parents' paradigms on our habits, preferences, attitudes, and patterns of thought. The powerful influence of friends, schools, TV, entertainment stars, religion, and other sources provide other models. In complex ways these models collectively help us decide how to behave and what kind of person we become. This conscious and unconscious process is instrumental in forming what we term our identity.

The question is, do we unknowingly or knowingly become servants to distorted thought patterns, systems and behaviors that use our identity to keep us addicted to them. Do we buy into and sustain harmful addictive paradigms the same way a substance abuser would nurture their addiction? More importantly, were we to become aware of an addictive paradigm controlling an aspect of our lives would we choose to change it?

In depth understanding of addictive processes must begin with the general and common features of addiction and move to the specifics of the addictive expression in a specific individual, group or society.

There are no finite answers or even a notion that a universal "correct" paradigm exists. One's best hope is that awareness will get individual philosophical, paradigm-shifting processes going; as it is individuals that make up society. The rest is left to the human potential emerging in all of us…

consciousness experiments are rarely as profound as when experienced though the filter of psychedelics - these very interesting doorways places experience in context of variables coming into existence though new combinations created by stimulated neural pathways that connect or fire in rhythms other than conditioned neural functioning - although this is a distortion the perspectives are fresh

the rational mind is pushed to the maximum to make sence of the choas and plasing information in a way that can be made sence of - the more neural pathways open to interpretations allow more combinations for contemplation, more relationships are graspes and new possiblilities become aparrent

DMT is a particularly unique experience - lasting around 10 minutes the distortion of time and space does challenge one profoundly. However salia has proven to be a even deeper experience especially the first time when the brain has no reference to what it will experience

relating the effect of a combination will pop up in a post soon

the etheric body is a collection of millions of energy fillaments flowing in all directions - where they go to im unsure but i dont see it as ending anywhere - they do however come together in the three energy aspects discussed before in fact the relationship between these seem to be that of a feeding system - higher dimentional energies filter through these fillaments and sort of plug into the auric field - these fillaments have a direct corrolation to life force - sick people or termanally ill people's are much more difficult to see and seem "finer" in their makeup.

This etheric hair responds to sound - the greatest effect i have observed is when overtones are chanted - these fillaments become brighter and more alive - these are the first energetic connection we combine when interacting with others - the intertwine of fillaments seem to negotiate for the contracts between consciousnesses - once a resonance is established the energy fields of the personality facillitates additional energy exchange eventually manifesting in physical interaction.

Dissonance between the personality energy and this feeding system seems to effect the chemical balance in the body - it affects the endocrine system - awareness of the collective system will make you able to anticipate the nature of what you involved in - pushing you to optimise your abillity and effect with the least ammount of RESISTANCE from your environment

activation of resonance within the energy centers within each of the three aspects touched on before corrosponds to location and frequency. They corrospond to the chakra system widely publisised

The crown - above the head
The brow - between the eyes and back of head
The throat - mis section of neck and back of neck
The heart - centre of chest in breastbone area and on the back
The solar plexus - stomach area just below rib cage and mid back
The sacral - genetal area above pubic bone just below navel and lower back
The base - between legs

Main importance is that these centres are in the front and back of the body - the way i have observed them they seem to work in pairs: crown and base, brow and sacral, throat and sacral with the heart being the centre of the system - they affect the entire energy field - almost like spheres withing speres or taking the shape of spherical tube torusses

they also resonate to each other within the physical,emotional and mental layers in the integrated personality or are collectively out of sinc(following the same pattern).

a centre can be balanced, slightly overactive, slightly underactive, overactive, underactive, out of sinc with the rest of the centres or in a state of dissonance(working energetically against itself)

The interplay between these centres, the different layers, the personality and the incoming and processed energy of the environment creates the resonance i interpret as life as you experiencing it - it illustrates the main patterns you will be resonating with at a specific point in time - the resonance that will attract the contracts that experientailly will play out to illustarate these patterns as well as holding the potential to master and shift the pattern once the pattern has been grasped and understood.

lots of patterns repeat themselves over and over again in order to make this apparent - others are grasped automatically

now take this energy system into the previous posts and get perspective on the energetic nature of what we call experience

intuition could simply be the recognition of the pattern within the variables its presenting itself with

the question is what can you see

Everything starts on an energy level first - manifestation is the last tier of intent - this is a very slow vibration - how interesting that we place so much value on that part of the process.

I see energy of people in a very specific way - this way makes it simple enough to interpret without getting lost in the complexity of what you looking at.

The structure of the human bioenergy field can be broken into three main differentiated vibrational fields - they differ in their structure and appearance. The most basic relates to the physicality - i see it as a "heathase" surrounding the body - a vibration that is active all the time - there are energy focal points where the majority of energy exchange take place. These have a direct effect on each other and the field as a whole. By affecting there centres you can affect the physicality - the shift can be felt very tangibly - the effect of such a shift will be dependent on the unique energy construct of the individual - some people shift quickly others not. People generally refer to this as the auric field - the way i see and understand it this is one aspect of a integrated system that collectively affect the human being.

The second aspect connects to emotional or feeling energy - it looks like a swarming sea of colored mists flowing together - this also has more pronounced activity in specific centres - this connects to the power behind our thoughts and actions - intent and conviction in what you feel is central to this field as it activates the others.

The third aspect is more geometric - it connects to mental energy and conceptual space - it holds the pattrens of our potential and learning - complex shapes that simplify and explain complex reality.

collectively they work in a way that affects the personality directly.

An integrated personality will energetically approach everything in a way where these three aspects are in resonance with each other - they mimmic a similar shape - theis does not mean that they in a state of balance though it simply means that the individual's psyche is working in a more integrated way.

An unintegrated personality works physically, emotionally and mentally in different ways - this kind of personality is extreme in its nature - changes often and have little effect on larger systems - its out of sinc with itself so its management of power and influence in in a immature state - this does not mean that the individual will appear as such - it has much more to do with the effect of that specific psyche.

more detail to be explored though feedback

look at the time of my first three posts - i see patterns easily within number strings - traffic is fascinating - there is a pattern that is very visible if you read numberplates with a defined numeric symbol set - but to illustrate look at this

my first post "open sesame" time reference was 15:22:51 or 152 mirrored into itself to 251 - in my symbol set double numbers/master numbers have significance - it draws attention - the pattern of this string would be 22 within 55 within 11 - tri pattren - 22 in my symbol set means the upper limit of my consciousness space (19 being the other side) 55 responds to a concept i term christ consciousness - this is not a religious reference/significance - it relates to the archetype - 11 is the first master number and symbolise unity

my second and third time string registered as 15;42;27 what is interesting is that i actually posted them seperately but hey who am i to doubt! so it creates a double pattern - from that string i would take 147 as a set - this refers to my car (alfa 147) but within dreaming my car symbolises my consciousness - the rest is 522 - as you never split master numbers it creates a 5(symbol of protection/banishment) depending on how i draw the related symbol of 5 and 22 (upper limit)

now if i was driving and i interpreted the numberplates of all other vehicles surrounding me at a given time the patterns become very precise in their relationship to each other and me at the same time

anyway interesting what you can see if youre attuned to it

Entering a pattern is energetically a very visible phenomena - the
characters realise something is happening but in terms
of time its so short lived between them entering and
becoming the pattern that they simply view it as a
linear extension of their reality perception. The
energetic hair that extends from us creates a sort of
bridging system that resonates to the pattern -
between the potential and the nature of the contract
an adjustment takes place - i think this is where the
trade is established. Each pattern have active and
less active players - in my space that connects to
energy awareness and skill in managing energy - the
other characters are simply scenery - they are very
unaware of a role within a pattern - they are simply
filtering the pattern without extending or affecting
it much - this may have to do with suggestive or
influencing power or resonance - some characters will
be pulled into a pattern in order to facilitate the
potential of it but they don't have enough influence
to affect it - they do however complete the variables
that make the pattern work - one is able to identify
doorkeepers too - their role within patterns are more
archetypal than others and they are a visual clue to
one entering and leaving patterns - they have more
skill within it but are bound to it too - you will
pass them in reality space - if you are aware of them
in their role they usually don't see you - i don't
want to go too deep but in this way people sometimes
hold patterns within themselves that you and enter and
experience as an external projection. When you enter a
pattern with another person another interesting thing
happens as they may be within a shared pattern, within
one of your patterns entering the new one (pattern
within a pattern)and vica versa. The complexity of
this becomes too much once you have entered into the
space - so I'm mostly aware or the enter and exit
points - it does help to sense and recall the shape as
often as you can as not to get stuck within it/forget
that you in a pattern or get lost within its detail.

I think you choose contracts as they present
themselves so time and synchronicity are at play -
however the first thing that made me aware of the
patterns was when i looked at people and i got a
pattern feedback - everyone has a shape that differs
vastly - i see them as lines intersecting they a
lightish blue color - the are not of a set position or
scale but when i interact with people there is
definitely a process of registration taking place - my
own shape is the only one i really have a good sense
of in that i can recognise it - even people who i have
known for a long time are difficult to recognise - it
is becoming easier with family as i get older though
I'm still unsure who is holding the space at
particular times. Registration identifies contractual
space or resonance and the possibility of playing out
a pattern - its asif the patterns are part of you
already they just need to be colored in - this
resonance is neutral - its not light or dark it simply
is. resonance in this way does not mean the same - its
more connected to possibility and value or a good fit.
the judgment of then interacting with it is based on
that fit - however it expresses itself becomes
secondary to the structure of the resonance - choice
come into play in how the pattern is clothed in
experience (light or dark) but in my understanding
this is not the important part.

I'm not sure what the outcome is of not entering a
pattern - the pattern will still draw the energy
towards itself to make it work - one's discerning will
just not include you within it so ultimately the
pattern will be expressed differently than the
combinations you would have been able to stimulate
within it - may expand more without you or less but
not in the same way - i think its simply then how it
happened rather than what if. Patterns i usually
discern from entering are ones i identify as bankrupt
in terms of the experience it offers me - i feel
unsatisfied and bored within those spaces or they are
cycles i know well enough not to want to repeat. I'm
sure I've missed great opportunities and great
disasters. The patterns I'm in that i cant identify
are usually the ones that I'm learning from most -
these seem to move slower but at a higher level. The
pattern before the 23rd spanned about a year it was a
combined consciousness pattern - pattern within
pattern within holding pattern in which i was holding
space some times - the second person's pattern holding
space for me at times and the year cycle at other
times. This correspondence is proving to be quite
fundamental in creating perspective about it as I'm
communicating in a language that makes it obvious now.

I think purpose is a very interesting question - it
requires context - where i find myself at the moment i
would say its really with my doing existance in the
WAY i am moving though it - the world im interacting
with is illusiuonary enough not to be a logical
expression but supporting enough too give me some
sence of belonging - i have wondered many times if one
can extend the patterns - sort of ground more of chaos
into a shape that then becomes usable - i think my ego
like this possibility as purpose but i think im merely
documenting a specific way (this is not really
different to anyone else in its nature i simply think
its the variables you are able to manage that
differentiates) - making complexity usefull in a way -
i may however just be in a paradigm i have not been
able to identify yet and this seems to be a cool
perspective within it. Consciousness definately have a
shape associated to it that in a way i feel we share -
our expression of those patterns, the amount you can
hold at any given time and the new combinations in a
strange way tie into personality/work/identity -
reality sort of fits itself to this shape - in a way i
view the world as a projection of an internal state
but i dont necessarily think this to be true though
its just a possibility that has worked for me - i
think purpose becomes as you doing it - your intention
while moving may be part of that but even intention
can be related and expressed in endless ways - you
just noticing/identifying with your understanding of
it
- i think the way ive been managing up to now have a myriad of gaps needing tools
or awareness to give me new reference - with new
reference i will be able to interpret a bit better and
make the process more usefull

Eye contact is fundamental in consciousness exchange. Within any space a myriad of potential pattern expressions exist - a pattern of resonance is the most beneficial kind of pattern one can agree to. The aspect of conscious choice does however rely on awareness of the patterns to be able to work constructively within them or extend them beyond their set form - the ability to shift the shape of a pattren is rare and relies on an aspect of genius expressed as creative initiative. All consciousness has a shape associated with itself - this creates the ability to resonate with certain patterns; be usefull within them and ultimately be able to affect them. Consciousness played within the patterns do affect the structure much it simply makes it work - here the pattren has the infuence over the consciousness completing it - players only fulfill the role the pattren offers.

You are either a doorkeeper to a pattern (a bound master) a role player (Scenery) or an active energy able to affect and extend the pattern. The complexity of even simple patterns are so emmence that at a state of general energy awareness and expertise you will only be able to observe the entry and exit of a pattern. With skill you will be able to have an impression of the shape of the pattern and with genius you will be able to be aware of this shape throughout the timeframe you are within it.

does this pattern resonate with you?